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On the first day of Christmas,
my kitten ruined for me........
A batch of my special hand-print cookies. I had turned my back to grab the cookie sheet
sitting on the
stove. In that micro-second, Sara climbed onto the table, poked her paw into the
delightfully kneady
mixture and, suddenly off-balance, fell into the cookie dough. Net loss? Six cups of
flour, four cups of
sugar, three sticks of butter.... Of course, it would have been
cheaper to remove the feline ingredient, pick out the hairs, and just rename the recipe
Paw Print
Cookies.
On the second day of Christmas,
my kitten accompanied me........
On a trip to the vet clinic. Who knew that skinny curling ribbon has feline taste appeal?
I didn't.
Damages: $28 for the office visit, $36
for anesthesia so the veterinarian could take $55 X-rays in case Sara had taste-tested any
other
Christmas decorations, and a heck of a lot of embarrassment when the vet removed the 3'
curly tail in
slightly less than two seconds by tugging at it with a pair of tweezers.
On the third day of Christmas,
my kitten wrecked for me........
13 ornaments on my Christmas tree. My mistake was forgetting to chain the decorations to
the
branches. My other error was leaving the room to go to the bathroom while Sara feigned
sleeping
under the tree. How was I to know she was actually measuring its climbing potential? Value
of broken>
bulbs? 7.50 plus tax.
On the fourth day of Christmas,
my kitten broke for me........
A statue in my Lenox Nativity. Would you believe two Wise men plus a head? Lenox nativity
figurines:
$55.99
On the fifth day of Christmas,
my kitten scratched for me........
The kid across the street who collects for charity. It was an accident. She merely wanted
to reach out
and touch someone. Unfortunately, she
used a unsheathed claw to do so. I settled out-of-court for the cost of a jacket to
replace the boy's
blood stained one and a hefty donation to the charity of their choice. Although the amount
must remain
secret according to our settlement, let me put it this way. You haven't seen many soldiers
for the
Salvation Army this year, have you? Think: Major Windfall!
On the sixth day of Christmas,
my kitten opened for me........
The presents beneath my Christmas tree. It was only two, really. While doing some early
shopping at a
discount store, I purchased a catnip
mouse for Sara's stocking. Apparently, anything in the same bag as catnip takes on its
potent aroma for
a very long time. Replacement costs: $3.99 for another roll of Christmas wrapping paper,
$4.50 for two
empty boxes, $1 each for the
kind of bows Sara can't unravel.
On the seventh day of Christmas,
my kitten lost for me........
The earrings I bought for my sister Mary. Actually, it was one earring but since Mary
doesn't have a
hole in her nose or navel, a pair of matching earrings does make a more appealing gift.
Sale price:
$29.95 plus tax.
On the eighth day of Christmas,
my kitten helped me........
Replace my E and G guitar strings. Would you believe a kitten could fit into the
itty-bitty hole in the
middle of my Yamaha guitar? Neither
could I, but Sara thought so. And she succeeded once she got those rascally strings out of
the way.
Unfortunately, her little rear end couldn't get out the way I came in. After paying
through the whiskers
for her previous escapades, I
would have been willing to leave her in the guitar for the duration of the holiday season,
except that she
chose to get stuck two hours before I was due at the nursing home for our annual Christmas
carol
sing-a-long. Set of
steel guitar strings: $12.95; jar of petroleum jelly: 79 cents.
On the ninth day of Christmas,
my kitten destroyed for me........
My Christmas card list when she walked across my computer's delete key. Cost for call to
Computer
Country's 900/help line: $17.50. And I still don't know what happened to the listings of B
through H.
On the tenth day of Christmas,
my kitten hid from me........
The remote control from my 13-inch TV. This wouldn't be such a disaster if she hadn't
previously
stolen the power knob. I missed a week's worth of Christmas specials, including my
all-time favorite,
"It's a Wonderful Life." Rental of "It's a Wonderful Life": $2;
purchase of book, "Good owners, great
cats": $24.95. Unfortunately, it never mentions the psychological
profile of kittens with kleptomania.
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my kitten ate for me........
The drumsticks off my 19-pound turkey. OK, OK, So this one time it was my fault. I knew I
never
should have uttered those now infamous words: "Your first turkey, Sara. Want to try
just a little piece?"
Cost: Christmas Dinner.
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
Sara rested. And so, thank goodness, did my VISA card.
- written by
Cathleen Twomey,
as published in Cats Magazine,
December 1997.
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